I like to think that I have a good relationship with time. What I mean when I say that is I feel very aware of my aging, and I've done my best at this point in time to process the concept of death (and how that effects my life). Yes, one day I'll essentially *blink* and be 80 years old. But for now, if I try to be conscious and present every day, I'll realize that I truly have A LOT of time! And with that time, I can have many experiences, and I shouldn't feel 'up against a wall' or anything like that, because there's time.
I also believe that with focus and patience/persistence/diligence, people could do really well in their 20s with one type of job/career, then shift to another in their 30s, then yet another in their 40s, and essentially live multiple lifetimes worth of professions/hobbies. They'd get to meet various different people in each of the fields which they choose to spend time in, and I think that'd be really fulfilling.
Even with hobbies, I plan to become a pilot (probably in my 30s), and right now I'm working on becoming a certified SCUBA master diver. I'm not rich or anything, and doing those things costs money, but I still choose to do them because of this quote I always keep in-mind, 'how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.' (Annie Dillard)
I like my relationship with time. But there's still a problem I consistently face, and it has to do with my focus. AND I REALLY WANT to solve this problem. Here are four things true about me, which are all relevant to explaining my focus-problem.
1) I've been a professional videographer for 5 years now.
2) I've dreamt of being an entertainer for the last 12 years. But I've never pursued it.
3) I originally became a videographer SO THAT I 'd have enough money to pursue entertainment - WHILE maintaining enough free-time required to do so (videography can often pay like $1000 for only 1 day of work per week).
4) I finally began pursuing entertainment this year (2022) but it isn't working / I'm not getting anywhere.
Those first three things are just a small contextual slice to this pie. That fourth thing, that's the actual problem - I'm not getting anywhere. And I think the cause of the problem is because I'm pursuing entertainment wrong.
To be more clear, when I say 'entertainment' what that means for me right now is 'being a content-creator online full-time.' (Basically, through YouTube)
So how do I solve this problem? Through better focus.
I've already become MUCH better about where my focus goes. Here's a very sad example based on my focuses in 2021:
-The Imagery Box (my video company, which at the time was video AND photo :/)
That's A LOT of stuff. Yet I believed I could do it all if I only mastered compartmentalization. News flash: I can't do it all. I am one man, and I can only focus on one thing at a time, so EVEN WITH mastery of compartmentalization, there's not enough hours in the day to do all of those things PLUS my brain gets tired when switching so drastically between topics every day.
At the beginning of 2022, I tried to be honest with myself, to be practical, and I let go of everything that solely existed in my head (stuff I planned for, and wrote notes in my phone for, but never actually had time to do.) I was left with this list:
-The Imagery Box
(I dropped 'drawing' and 'building websites' from the list)
WAIT A MINUTE, it seems I didn't do a good job of being honest with myself😂 - and I shouldn't be laughing about it, it's a serious issue. This is likely the #1 sign of my immaturity (my inability to truly focus on one thing).
I am halfway through 2022 and I have revised this list once again. I am trying to only include the things which I have time for:
I plan to focus on these in 'cycles,' rather than allocating certain days of the week to each task (i.e. Monday is YouTube day, Tuesday is TikTok day, etc.). So all of my available work-hours (aw-h) will go towards YouTube until I complete and post a video, even if that takes me 4 days to do. Then all of my aw-h will go towards TikTok until I complete and post, even if that takes me 3 days to do, etc.
This is the cycle I'm going to go with for now:
YouTube - TikTok - YouTube - Blog - TikTok - YouTube - TikTok - A Day Of Music Production (repeat)
Why TikTok? Why not just YouTube? Well, that's because I already have around 250k followers on TikTok, and I feel obligated to figuring out how to increase my conversion rates on that platform (roughly .1% of my following is interested in buying merch or following me on another platform. I can do better than that.)
Why blogging? It's like journaling, I want to think less critically about what I write and simply allow it to be a process that helps me stay present. Sometimes I need to get stuff off my chest. Sometimes I want to rant. Surprisingly often I have the desire to make YouTube videos out of my rants or vlog about the things I want to get off my chest, or make videos about ideas I'm currently working through - all of which aren't great topics, and yet I often make the mistake of putting time into them and attempting to make those videos. I think that by writing out those things here, I'll save myself time and help protect my YouTube channel's success.
Why a day of music production? While YouTube has been a goal that's grown SO MUCH in my mind, in fact it might be the #1 goal of mine nowadays. If I'm truly honest with myself, it's what I've wanted the most for a number of years. BUT I've been writing songs since I was 12, and I firmly believe my friend Tanner and I have enough songs to make a killer album - and many of my friends and family have been waiting for the album for years... it's probably the most anticipated, most scary, most exciting thing I have in my back pocket. It needs to happen sooner than later.
So, I'm going to think of each item in the cycle as my job. And hopefully one day this stuff really does become my full time job.
I have 2 jobs right now, I was hired to do both because I'm a videographer, and they both pay a part-time salary. They are great sources of money, but they take a number of my days each week, if I'm lucky I'll have 4 full days in any given week to focus on my cycles, working towards my future.
Pursuing being an entertainer/content creator online is something that probably takes 3-5 years to build, but as far as I can tell it has incredible benefits - high pay, you can live wherever you want in the world, and you have more free time than a normal job would give you. The craziest thing is that SO MANY PEOPLE are doing it nowadays, and loads of them are preaching the message that "people like you" (me) can too.
I want it.